A White Picket Fence Page 7
“Where are the kids?” she asked.
“Out.” He pushed back his chair.
“You can keep working, I—”
“I sent them away so we could talk.”
Lina took a few steps backwards into the foyer. “It’s okay. You were right last night—it’s your business to handle. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She began to walk towards the staircase, intending to go up to their room, but he was behind her, taking her arm and slowly turning her to face him.
“Lina, if there were a way I could avoid having this conversation with you, I would.” His eyes were full of sadness.
Her heart began to pound, all of the relief she felt at Diane’s reassurances gone. She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “Phil, I know you had an affair,” she said, her voice breaking. She wanted him to deny it, to shake his head and tell her it wasn’t true, to validate the little ounce of doubt she had kept with her and cherished over the past month. But of course he didn’t, because it was true. A small part of her died at the realization.
“I don’t want to have this conversation standing in the hallway.”
“Why not?” Lina whispered, meeting his eyes. “Is there a better place to break my heart?”
“This is going to get a lot worse. We need to be sitting.” He led her towards the front of the house and then hesitated. “Is the kitchen okay?”
“Yes,” she answered, barely recognizing her own voice.
Lina watched him, her beautiful husband, sitting with his legs apart, his elbows on his knees, staring down at his hands, seemingly struggling with how to begin.
“Are you in love with her?” she thought to ask.
Phil’s head snapped up. “No, God no!”
She felt her body exhale. “So you aren’t leaving me?”
He reached out and took one of her hands, his fingers sliding over her palm, his eyes meeting hers. “I will never leave you of my own volition.”
“Then I don’t understand.”
“Let me just—let me get through this.” He squeezed her hand. “Okay?” When she nodded, he took a deep breath. “This is hard.” He shook his head and glanced down at their clasped hands before raising his eyes back to hers. “About five months ago, when I was in New York, I uh, I started sleeping with one of the associates at the firm.”
“Kim.” Her voice was flat, defeated.
“Yes—”
Lina pulled her hand from his and crossed her arms over her chest. He’d had sex with another woman. Her Phil had taken off his clothes and made love to another woman. It was no longer just a suspicion she could rationalize away. It was a fact. “Is she beautiful?”
“You’re the only woman I find beautiful.”
“Oh, right, I’m sure you were picturing my face when you were fucking her.” She wiped at the tears falling from her eyes.
“Baby, I’m—”
“Don’t call me that. Don’t you dare call me that. You fucked another woman, Phil. You have lost your right to call me that.”
He watched her in silence, his expression grim.
“Why are you telling me this? Why couldn’t you have just let me pretend you were the man I wanted you to be?” His only reaction was a clenching of his jaw. “I hate you,” she whispered. “I hate you for this.” She stood up.
“I’m not done. Please sit down.”
“I don’t need to hear any more.” She began to walk away.
He was out of his chair and behind her, grasping her shoulders. “You have to let me finish.”
“Why?” she whispered. “Why can’t you just let me be alone with this?” Her voice broke as her head fell forward, her shoulders shaking as tears streamed from her eyes. She didn’t stop him when he turned her to face him, her cheek crushed against his chest as he engulfed her in his arms. She took comfort in his familiar woodsy smell, her arms moving around him as she sought comfort from the very person who was causing the pain. She cried for minutes as he whispered reassurances in her ear, and then suddenly the tears stopped, and she began kissing his warm neck, her hands drifting down his back to his butt, gripping him as she tried to get closer.
“Lina?”
“Make love to me.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, pulling back slightly.
“Please,” she pleaded, her eyes meeting his. “I need you to make this pain go away…Please.”
“Lina—”
“We’ll talk after.” She gripped him through his shorts. “I need to feel you inside me.” As demented as it was, she felt an overwhelming desire to know he was still hers.
He caught his breath, and suddenly his mouth was opening over hers, his hands clasping her hips as he pulled her against his growing erection. He led her to the family room and then pushed her back on the couch, quickly removing her panties and then dropping to his knees before her.
“No,” she whispered when he began to run his lips along the inside of her thigh. “I need to feel you inside me. Please.” She needed to feel their connection.
He stood, removing his shorts and briefs in one fluid movement, and then he was lowering himself onto the couch and between her thighs. He slipped his hand between them, touching her.
“Please,” she whispered.
“You’re not ready.”
“I don’t care.” She fisted his shirt, pulling him towards her.
“Wait,” he pleaded, continuing to touch her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I need you,” she cried. “Please, please.”
“Look at me, Lina. Open your eyes and look at me.” As soon as she opened her eyes he slowly thrust into her. “Do you know what we’re doing?” he asked as he rocked his hips forward, burying himself still deeper. “Tell me.” He pulled completely out. “Tell me, Lina.” He drove into her again.
“Making love,” she whispered, tears in her eyes.
“That’s right,” he said before kissing her deeply. “Lina,” he said when he lifted his head. “Look at me.” She lifted her eyes back to his. “You are the only woman I have ever made love to in my life.” He continued to move in and out of her, the pace of his thrusts increasing. “I may have been with someone else, but you are the woman I make love to. You are the only woman I will ever love.”
They were sitting side by side on the couch, fully clothed. “What kind of woman responds to the news of her husband’s infidelity by begging him to make love to her?”
“I don’t think there’s a protocol here.”
“You really cheated on me, didn’t you?” She was numb.
“Yes.”
“Was this the first time?”
“Yes.”
“Why her?”
He hesitated for a long moment. “I’m not sure this is a good idea. I was unfaithful—the details don’t seem important.”
“They’re important to me.”
He got up from the couch and pushed his hands into his pockets, staring down at her. “You want me to tell you what led to me being with someone else?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
“Jesus Christ.” He shook his head. “It’s a cliché. I was away from home and I called you. We had a fight. I went down to the bar. She was there. I talked. She listened. We fucked. That’s it. I need a drink. Do you want a drink?” he asked over his shoulder as he walked towards the wet bar.
“No.” She slowly followed, crossing her arms over her chest and hugging herself as she watched him pour himself a glass of scotch. “How did it continue for four months? What you just described was a one-night stand.”
“And then it became something more,” he admitted. “She wanted me. You didn’t seem to, and it just happened.”
“I didn’t seem to?” she repeated. “What does that mean?”
“Lina, we were dealing with Katie, and you were mad at me most of the time.”
“So now this is my fault?” she cried.
“No.” He shook his head. “This is my f
ault. This is one hundred percent my fault. I’m just trying to give you a window into what I was thinking and feeling. Lina, I’m sorry.”
“Somehow those words just don’t seem to cover it.” She suddenly felt tired. “It’ll never be the same, you know. I will never be able to look at you the same again.”
“Lina,” he began as he set his drink on the table. “There’s something else I have to tell you.” He took both her hands in his.
“What else?” Her anger was replaced by an overwhelming sadness.
Phil watched her, his eyes cloudy with regret. “You don’t deserve this. God, I would do anything to save you this pain.” He squeezed her hands. “Lina, she’s pregnant.”
9
“Pregnant? I don’t under—” Her eyes opened wider at the realization of what he was saying. “By you? She’s pregnant with your child?” She took a step back from him, pulling her hands free.
“Yes.”
“Oh my God!” She covered her mouth. “She can’t have your baby.” Her wild eyes flew to his. “Do you want her to have your baby?”
“Of course not.” When he stepped towards her, she held up her hands.
“Don’t touch me,” she whispered as tears continued to fall from her eyes. “Is she…Is she having it?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t—I can’t take any more right now.” She headed for the stairs. “Don’t follow me,” she said when she heard him behind her. “Please don’t follow me.”
Lina sat on the floor of the shower, her eyes closed, her arms cradling her legs as she slowly rocked, the water splashing over her body, enveloping her in its warmth. She craved showers when she was upset, had since she was a young girl, gaining comfort in the wet solitude. Her husband was having a baby with another woman. How could he possibly be a father to a child who wasn’t hers? Why hadn’t she thrown him out? Isn’t that what most women would do in these circumstances? Well, she’d already proved she wasn’t like most women. No, she needed him too much. She shook her head in disgust, trying to clear a vision of him collapsing against her as an orgasm shook his body, his sperm filling her at the same time his baby grew inside another woman. She reached up and turned the hot water knob to the left, forcing herself to endure the spray of ice-cold water. Her skin was bright red when she stepped out of the shower.
She tried to call Adele, but the phone went straight to voicemail, and then she began to call Diane but changed her mind. She didn’t want to talk to Diane. Diane was on Phil’s side. Diane had been defending him for weeks. She would call Alice.
When Alice didn’t answer, Lina dropped down on her bed and stared at her phone. She needed to talk to someone. Suddenly an image of Dr. Drayton flashed in her mind. Before she could change her mind, she dialed his office number. Her body slumped when someone from his answering service picked up. She almost hung up, but instead found herself leaving a message the woman promised would be conveyed to the doctor. It was Sunday, Lina remembered. Of course he wasn’t working on a Sunday.
Several minutes later, the ring of her cell phone startled her. “Hello?” she said hesitantly, not recognizing the unfamiliar number.
“This is Dr. Drayton.”
His voice sounded different on the phone. Cooler, more professional. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you,” Lina rushed out.
“Is Katie—”
“Katie’s fine,” she managed before she started to cry.
“Lina?” His voice gentled.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, struggling to gain control of her emotions. “I just found something out about my husband. I shouldn’t have bothered you. This has nothing to do with Katie.”
“What can I do to help?”
She closed her eyes and lay back on the bed. “Nothing. I just wanted to talk.” She tried to picture him in the chair in his office.
There was a brief pause. “Would you like to meet?”
Twenty minutes later, Lina pulled her Mercedes into the empty lot in front of Dr. Drayton’s office building. She’d left the house without alerting Phil, and he’d called twice during her short drive over. She looked at the display on her phone and discovered he’d also sent a text.
I’m just worried. Please let me know you’re okay. I love you. She considered replying but instead slipped the phone back into her purse, deciding she didn’t care if he was worried.
Ten minutes passed before a black Porsche convertible turned into the parking lot. She slowly emerged from her car, having a hard time reconciling the person stepping out of the Porsche with Katie’s doctor. Gone were the pressed slacks and jacket, and in their place were brushed cotton khaki shorts and a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up on the forearms. He really was handsome.
“Hi.” He smiled, and the two Draytons merged in her mind. The clothes may have been different, but the smile and green eyes belonged to the Dr. Drayton she knew. “I hope you don’t mind the casual look. I didn’t have time to go home and change.”
“I prefer it.” Suits reminded her of Phil.
“In that case…” He reached into his car and lifted a pizza box from the passenger seat. “I assume you won’t mind if I eat.”
She smiled. “Not at all.”
He hesitated, looking to the right of the building. “There’s an outside patio and garden area in the back. If you’re okay not going up to my office, we could sit back there.”
“This is nice,” Lina said a few minutes later as she sat down in the chair he held out for her.
“My first time here,” he admitted before sitting down across from her. He’d finished one slice of mushroom and pepperoni pizza on their walk over and was pulling out another. “I can see it from my office window.” They were on a stone patio flanked on one side by small trees and on the other by a small koi pond.
“Thanks for meeting me.” She looked down at her clasped hands. “I know I’m not your patient and had no right to leave a message with your service, but the truth is I find you easy to talk to, and I needed to talk.”
He set down his slice of pizza and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I’m not going to pretend this is normal, because it isn’t, but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. Why don’t—” He was interrupted by the ring of her cell phone. “Do you need to get that?”
“My husband,” Lina said, looking at the display. “I left without telling him. He’s worried.”
“Do you want him to worry?”
She shrugged. “Not really, but I don’t want to talk to him.”
“You could text him,” he pointed out.
She nodded, composing a short text that simply said, I’m fine. Give me a little space.
“Tell me why you called,” he said as soon as she slipped her phone back into her purse. “You sounded upset.”
“Remember how I told you I suspected he had an affair?”
“Of course.”
“He got her pregnant.”
“Jesus!” He sat back, his eyes opening wider.
“Not my best day,” Lina said.
“No.” He stared at her for seconds. “He told you?”
“Yes.” As she relayed the events of the past twenty-four hours, she saw an array of emotions travel over his normally controlled features. The warmth and concern she recognized, but the look of disgust that flittered over his face occasionally was new.
“There is something wrong with me, isn’t there?” Lina whispered, a few tears slipping from her eyes.
“No. Why would you say that?” He slid a napkin across the table towards her. “You are dealing with something very difficult.”
“Shouldn’t I hate him right now?”
“You can hate his actions without hating him.”
“My husband had sex with another woman. I think hating him would have been a healthier response than having sex with him.” She wiped at her tears. “And I’m sure you do too. You just think I need to come to that conclusion on my own.”
“Do you th
ink there is a right way to handle the situation you’ve found yourself in?”
“No, but I think there’s a wrong way. And rewarding your husband with sex when you find out he was cheating on you seems like the wrong way for any self-respecting woman.”
“Rewarding him?” He raised an eyebrow. “Was that your intention?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to stop thinking. And I wanted to feel closer to him.”
“So you were trying to comfort yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I feel like I was trying to comfort both of us—like something is happening to us. Like he’s a victim too.” She pressed the tissue against her eyes, tears once again threatening. “My rational mind wants me to be angry at him, but then I look at him and it’s Phil. Loving him is part of who I am.”
Dr. Drayton curved his hand around the back of his neck, his fingers kneading his muscles, the pizza seemingly forgotten as he listened to her pledge her love to the man who had cheated on her and impregnated another woman. He drew in a deep breath. “Under what scenario could he possibly be a victim? Someone must have chosen not to wear a condom, if I’m recalling sex education correctly.”
Bile rose in her throat at the thought of Phil ejaculating into another woman. He hated wearing condoms. He said it ruined his pleasure. It was why Megan was conceived on their honeymoon. Lina had forgotten to pack her pills, and Phil decided his pleasure was worth the risk. “I know he isn’t a victim. I was just telling you what I was thinking.” She rubbed her fingers over her forehead. “I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like this is someone else’s life or a bad dream.”
“You’re in shock. It’s a lot to take in.”
“How do we get past it?”
“Time.”
“There’s going to be a child—his child. Am I going to get past that?” Just saying it aloud felt surreal.
“That’s not a question I can answer.”
“Could you get past it? If you were married and your wife got impregnated by another man?”