Swimming Naked Read online

  “Hello,” she said, breezing into the room. In a slim-fitting skirt and a sleeveless top, her body was fit. There was no evidence that she’d had a baby four months earlier. “What a day.” Her eyes lingered on Phil before shifting to Liam. “Hi.” She touched Liam’s cheek and he greeted her with a smile. “You can go, Maria.” She crossed to the refrigerator. “Do you want something to drink, Phil? A beer? Scotch?”

  “No.”

  She poured herself a glass of wine before leaning back against the counter, her gaze on Phil. With large green eyes and high cheekbones, her blonde hair falling in soft waves to her shoulders, she looked more like a model than a lawyer.

  All Phil saw was the woman who’d almost succeeded in destroying his life.

  “He slept through the night for the first time last night, thank God,” Kim said.

  “Good night,” he said to Maria who had stopped beside the high chair to kiss Liam’s cheek. “Thank you.”

  “I’m going to go change,” Kim said. “Are you okay here?”

  “Yep.” Phil didn’t look away from Liam.

  “I think he’s done,” Kim said when she returned several minutes later. She’d changed into leggings and a loose T-shirt. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. “Do you want to take off your jacket before you hold him?” She unlatched Liam from his high chair and took him to the kitchen sink to clean off his hands and face.

  The scene looked so familiar, and yet all of his other memories starred Lina, not Kim. Phil couldn’t get used to the idea that this woman and not Lina had mothered his child. He came to his feet and shrugged off his jacket before placing it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Moments later, he was taking Liam in his arms.

  “Baah,” Liam said. He began to pat Phil’s mouth.

  “He’s starting to really have control of his hands.” Kim was standing close enough for him to make out the familiar scent of her perfume.

  A smell that had at one time turned him on now had the opposite effect. “I’m going to take him into the other room. You can do whatever you need to do. I’ve got him for the next hour and a half or so.”

  Phil was sitting on the couch in the family room with Liam on his lap when Kim joined him less than an hour later, lowering herself onto the cushion beside them.

  “You’re a natural.”

  “I have experience.” Phil didn’t take his gaze from Liam who was fingering his watch. “He’s getting tired.”

  “Are you coming on Saturday or Sunday this week?”

  “Neither.” He was taking Lina away for the weekend.

  “You’re going to skip two weekends in a row?”

  “I’m here right now. He doesn’t know the difference.”

  “I do. It’s nice to have a break sometimes.”

  “Then why are you here?” he asked. “Why aren’t you taking a break tonight?”

  “I’m talking about the weekends.”

  “Maria was with him for ten hours last Saturday. I saw her invoice.”

  “I had to work and it makes me feel guilty leaving him with her so much. I don’t feel guilty when he’s with you. You’re his father.”

  He didn’t bother to point out that she barely left the room let alone her apartment during one of his visits. “I’m busy this weekend.”

  “Busy how?”

  It was none of her business but he decided to tell her anyway, hoping it would end her ridiculous fantasy that they’d one day be a family. “I have plans with my wife both days.”

  Chapter Four

  Kim’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, ‘wife’? You’re back with Lina?”

  “I moved home this weekend.”

  She looked away from him for a moment, as if needing to gather her thoughts. “I thought—I thought you were getting divorced.”

  “No.”

  “What does this mean for Liam?”

  “What do you mean? It changes nothing.”

  “But you’re canceling two weekends in a row. You barely see him as it is, and now what?” Kim came to her feet. “You’re going to see him even less?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “I’m not going to be seeing less of him. I’m his father. I take that role seriously.”

  “Maybe for your other children.”

  “For all of my children,” he corrected. “This can’t be a surprise to you. I didn’t leave her of my own volition.” Anger filled him at the memory of the birthday card Kim had sent Lina filled with pictures of them together. He knew it was time for him to leave. He didn’t want to lose his temper in front of Liam.

  “What are you doing?” she asked when he came to his feet. “It’s only been an hour.”

  “I’m leaving. I’ll see him next week.”

  “Just like that? You announce that you’re getting back with her and now you’re going to leave?”

  He kissed Liam’s forehead before holding him out to Kim. “Take him,” he said when she made no move to do so.

  “No.”

  He stepped around her and left the room, heading down the hall to Liam’s nursery.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, hurrying after him.

  “Putting him down.” He entered Liam’s room and crossed to his crib. “Daddy has to leave,” he told him before lowering him into his crib. Liam immediately began to cry.

  “You’re just going to leave him there crying?” Kim followed him out of the room and toward the front door. “Phil?” She clutched his arm when they reached the foyer. “We’re not done talking.”

  “Get your fucking hands off me,” he said coldly, wrenching his arm from her hold. “This conversation is over.” He yanked open the door.

  “I don’t want him around her ever,” she yelled after him.

  He reached the bank of elevators at the end of the hall before he remembered he’d left his suit jacket hanging on her kitchen chair. There was no way he was going back to her apartment tonight. He pressed the down arrow.

  ***

  Lina was coming out of the bathroom when Phil came into the bedroom less than an hour later. “I didn’t expect you so early,” she said before returning his kiss.

  “Traffic was light.” He gripped the material of her robe and kissed her again. “How was your day?”

  “Good.” She watched him disappear into his wardrobe. A knot formed in her stomach at the thought of where he’d been. “I’m going to go get a glass of wine. Do you want something?”

  “Scotch.”

  Twenty minutes later Lina was on the couch in the sitting room off the bedroom, sipping from a glass of wine and staring unfocused into the gas flames of the fireplace. She hadn’t discussed Liam with Phil since he’d moved back home and knew she needed to.

  “I’m not going to be able to get used to this,” Phil said, nodding at the fireplace as he joined her. His hair was damp from a shower and he was wearing only a pair of lounge pants, his chest bare.

  “It’s so much easier. I just push a button and we have a fire.” She’d had the fireplace converted to gas a few months earlier.

  “It’s not real.” He kneeled down before it, peering in at the flames. “It doesn’t smell like a fire.”

  Lina watched the play of muscles in his upper back. Kim had probably admired those same muscles. “Did you see her today?”

  He stilled before slowly coming to his feet and joining her on the couch. “Briefly.” He stretched his arm along the back of the cushions behind her. “I interact with her as little as possible.” He began to trail his fingers over the nape of her neck.

  “When do you plan to see him again?”

  “Next week.”

  “Do you see him every week?”

  “Yes. Usually on the weekend but that didn’t work out this week.”

  She didn’t like the idea of losing him for a block of time every weekend. “Is there an agreement—like a custody agreement?”

  “Yes. The cu
stody agreement says that I have him every other weekend from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening. It’s standard. Until he’s a little older, I don’t want to take him overnight.”

  His response wasn’t a surprise. Lina had been the main caregiver for all their children. He’d never changed Megan’s diaper and the other two only rarely. She couldn’t imagine him caring for a baby on his own. “Does the agreement say anything about weeknights?”

  “I have two but with my work schedule I can’t commit to seeing him during the week. Especially considering he’s an hour away.

  “She’s working?”

  “She went back a couple of months ago.”

  “He’s only four months old.”

  “I know. He really seems to like his nanny. She comes every day.”

  She and Kim were from different worlds. Lina couldn’t imagine not staying home with her babies. “Who pays for that?”

  “We both do. It’s standard.” He clasped the back of her neck. “I know this is hard for you.”

  Her gaze returned to the flames. “So, you’re in Kim’s house while she’s home?” The thought of Kim interacting with him while he spent time with their son was almost too much to bear.

  “Ideally she would go out while I’m visiting, but usually she’s somewhere else in the apartment.”

  “I don’t want to talk about what’s already happened. But from now on I don’t want you visiting him at her place if she’s home.”

  “He’s a baby. What do you—”

  “Take him out. Take him for a walk. Do whatever you have to do. I don’t want you breathing the same air as her.”

  ***

  The game was about to start when Phil approached the lacrosse field at Gilman the following afternoon. He had just finished a brief conversation with another father when he noticed Nick Drayton standing about fifteen yards to his right. He looked more like a surfer than a psychiatrist, with his overlong sandy-colored hair and golden tan. He’d treated Katie until Logan met his son, Brian, at a lacrosse tryout and the two boys became friends. He was staring down at his phone, paying no attention to the action getting underway on the field—not that Phil was paying attention, but it was a little different when your son was sitting on the bench. Unlike Logan, Brian Drayton had earned a coveted starting position.

  Phil’s gaze shifted to the field. Brian was in possession of the lacrosse ball, weaving his way past defenders so quickly it looked like they were cones instead of boys trying to stop him. Within seconds he was horizontal in the air, launching the ball past the goalie and into the back of the net.

  Phil brought his hands together, joining the other Gilman parents in applauding the play. The boy was good. He was not only the best player at Gilman but the best player in the state, a state that bred the most elite players in the country.

  His gaze returned to Brian’s father, who was still messing with his phone, completely unaware that his son had just scored a goal. The anger that normally rose inside Phil when he saw Katie’s former psychiatrist and the man who’d tried to turn Lina against him only reached a modest level, knowing after Lina’s words Monday night that she’d never slept with him.

  He forgot about Drayton when Logan came onto the field. He was a solid player, making good passes and getting open for his teammates, but unlike Brian Drayton, who created plays, Logan was more of a support player. He didn’t play with enough confidence. He was too cautious. It was as if he was afraid of making a mistake. Phil took a deep breath, chastising himself for comparing Logan to Brian. Any player on the field would pale in comparison to Brian Drayton. Logan was a good player, and in time, with the proper coaching and encouragement, he’d gain confidence.

  “Can we talk?”

  Phil’s entire body tensed up in response to Nick Drayton’s voice. “About what?” He continued to watch the field.

  “I think it’s time to call a truce.”

  “A truce?” Phil turned to him. “Wouldn’t that imply a battle was being waged?” The anger he’d thought he had a muzzle on reared to the surface as he met Nick’s eyes.

  “I don’t want to fight with you.” Nick’s voice was low enough not to be overheard by the dozen or so other parents within close proximity. “I just want to talk.”

  As if by an unspoken agreement they began to walk, distancing themselves from the field. When they were about thirty yards away, they turned to face each other. “Talk,” Phil said.

  “For the sake of our sons,” Nick began, “I think we need to draw a line in the sand and start fresh.”

  “Fresh?” Phil laughed aloud. “Are you asking to be my friend?”

  “I think we can be civil.”

  “You tried to steal my wife, you hypocritical son of a bitch.”

  “I—”

  “I want you to listen and listen carefully,” Phil interrupted, the side of his jaw clenched. “You stay the fuck away from my wife. And I don’t mean ‘estranged wife,’ because I’m back in my house. If you see her, you walk the other way. Is that clear? I am this close”—he held his index finger and thumb a quarter inch apart—“to suing you. You used your position as my daughter’s psychiatrist to worm your way into my family. You should lose your fucking license. The only thing saving you is that I don’t want to subject my wife to a drawn-out legal battle.”

  “I suppose your affair was my fault, too.”

  “Fuck you,” Phil growled, stepping toward him.

  “You don’t deserve her.”

  “And yet I’m the man she wants.”

  “I know what happened to Lina as a teenager,” Nick said, surprising Phil. “That two men broke into her house and raped her sister. That she believes if you hadn’t arrived she would have suffered the same fate. I also know that trauma created the illusion in her mind that you’re her protector—that she needs you.”

  “She does need me,” Phil snarled. “That’s what you don’t get and you’ll never get. I’m like her air.”

  “You’ve kept her in a cage. You’ve nurtured her dependence on you. That isn’t love.”

  “You just can’t handle that she’s mine.”

  “She’s working and gaining her independence. She is going to outgrow you.”

  “Is that the illusion you’ve created in your mind? Does that keep you warm at night?”

  “Everything okay there?” the school’s athletic director called out from several feet away.

  “Yes,” Phil answered, staring into Nick’s eyes for a second longer. “We’re done.”

  ***

  Lina stroked her hands down Phil’s sweat-dampened back as they came down from their orgasms. She could feel the vibration of his heartbeat hard against her chest. He was like a man starving of thirst and she was his water. They’d had sex that morning and again when he’d first arrived home from Logan’s game, and then as soon as they’d finished dinner, before she’d even cleaned the kitchen, he’d led her upstairs. She’d thought he’d wanted to discuss Logan, but instead he was pushing her back against the closed door and stripping off her clothes.

  “I don’t want you to talk to Drayton again,” he said against her ear.

  Lina’s hands stilled on his back. He was still inside of her and he was talking about Nick.

  “Lina?”

  “I heard you,” she said. “I just don’t really want to talk about him at this moment.”

  He rolled off of her and onto his back, sighing deeply. “I just—I need to know that he’s no longer in our lives.”

  “What happened?” she asked, knowing he must have run into him at the game.

  “Did you have sex with him?”

  “No,” she rushed out. “I’ve already told you that.”

  He threw his arm over his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just—I don’t trust him. He still wants you.”

  “What he wants is irrelevant. I don’t want him.”

  “He’s so fucking smug.”

  “Phil?”
She tugged his arm away from his eyes. “You need to let this go. I’m not going to see him socially, but we can’t avoid him. Brian is Logan’s best friend. They play on the same lacrosse team. They go to the same school. We are going to run into him.”

  “You told him about Shiloh’s rape?”

  Her stomach dropped, as it always did when she was reminded of that night. “He said something to you about that?”

  “He did. He took pleasure in telling me he knew about it. Why would you discuss that with him?”

  “He’s a psychiatrist.”

  “A child psychiatrist. He wasn’t your psychiatrist.”

  “It just came out,” she admitted, hurt that Nick would mention their private conversation to Phil.

  “It didn’t just come out. He manipulated you into opening up to him. That’s what he’s trained to do—get people to talk about themselves.”

  “I’m sorry I discussed it with him,” she said. “Okay? Can we let this go?”

  “Did he tell you that you developed an unhealthy dependence on me because of that night?”

  He had but she wasn’t going to admit that to Phil. He already hated him enough. “If he did, he’s wrong. I was in love with you long before that night. I was already dependent on you. From the moment we met, I haven’t wanted to be apart from you. If that’s considered unhealthy, not wanting to be apart from the person you love, then I’m fine with being unhealthy.”

  “Baby—”

  “It’s always only been you, so please let go of this anger toward him.”

  “He tried to take you from me. I can’t forget that.”

  “But he didn’t. Just like she didn’t take you from me.”

  ***

  “If you’re calling so I can congratulate you for getting back with Lina, you’re wasting your time,” Adele said after answering Phil’s call. “I knew it was inevitable. The two of you were pitiful apart, but I’m still mad at you.”

  “If I tell you I want to surprise Lina with a trip to Paris and I’m calling so you can clear her calendar for Monday and Tuesday, will that do anything to redeem me?”