A White Picket Fence Page 14

  “Life isn’t that simple. It’s not all black-and-white.”

  “I wish I hadn’t seen her. I shouldn’t have gone.”

  “Would you rather live in denial? I know it’s not easy, but it is the reality.”

  “Have you ever had an affair?”

  “No.” He met her eyes.

  “Would you?”

  “Sleep with a married woman?”

  “No. Cheat on your wife.”

  He reached out and pushed a few tendrils of her hair back behind her ear. “I would never have cheated on you, Lina.” He let his fingers trail down the side of her face, his eyes never leaving hers. “He must have been temporarily insane.”

  She caught her breath. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what? Tell you what an idiot I think your husband is?”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Lina, I—” Before he could finish, the patio door was opening, and Nick sat back as the boys joined them.

  “Dad’s already home,” Logan said when Lina pulled into the garage beside his BMW. Logan scrambled out of the car as soon as it was in park.

  Phil stepped out into the garage and returned Logan’s hug, but he was looking at Lina, his expression grim.

  She felt a stirring of anxiety and took a deep breath before opening the door. She shouldn’t have gone. What was she thinking? It was wrong.

  “We played lacrosse on the beach every night after the lifeguards left,” Logan was telling Phil. “Brian tweeted where we were, and random guys showed up. It was really cool.”

  “Good,” Phil said. “Why don’t you go inside and let me talk to Mom?”

  “He’s going to the same overnight camp as me, only a different week,” Logan continued. “We’re going to see if one of us can switch.”

  “Okay.” Phil patted his back. “Let me talk to your mom now.”

  “You should see their beach house. It’s huge, and it’s right—”

  “Logan! Enough! I told you two times I needed to talk to your mother. You need to listen. Now go inside.”

  Logan’s smile disappeared, and his shoulders dropped before he wordlessly went into the house.

  “He was just excited—”

  “No. We’re not talking about Logan. Where were you?” He’d rounded his car and was standing in front of her.

  “I was picking up our son.” Lina lifted her chin.

  “At Drayton’s house? Doesn’t he live in Baltimore?”

  “Yes.”

  “You drove forty minutes when he probably lives within ten of my office? Why?” He tilted his head, trying to meet her eyes. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because he needed to be picked up.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “Because I didn’t.” She moved to walk around him, but he stepped with her. “I want to go inside.”

  “Do you want to talk in front of the kids? Because we’re finishing this conversation.”

  “You’re the one who cheated! Why am I being treated like I can’t be trusted?”

  Phil took her hand, leading her out of the garage and far enough down the driveway not to be overheard. “I see two possibilities here. You’re punishing me, or you actually have feelings for him. Which one is it?”

  “Neither! He’s a doctor who did more for our daughter than either of us could, and now he is the father of one of Logan’s friends. You don’t have a right to tell me who I can and can’t talk to. I haven’t done anything wrong, and I like talking to him.” Lina knew as soon as the words left her mouth that she’d said too much.

  “You like talking to him?”

  “I didn’t mean that.”

  “You told him,” he guessed, his eyes narrowing. “He knows about Kim.”

  Lina blushed. She wanted to deny it, but it was too late. Her face had given her away. She looked helplessly into his eyes. “I was upset at one of Katie’s appointments, and it just came out.”

  “Jesus Christ, Lina!” He pushed his hands back through his hair and squeezed his head. “What in the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t. I was hurt.”

  “Of all the Goddamn people you could have told, it had to be him! We’re done with him. Professionally and personally.” He turned on his heel and headed back towards the house.

  “What does that mean?” Lina asked, running to catch up to him.

  “It means Katie isn’t going to see him again. It means Logan isn’t going to see him again. That’s what it means.”

  “Phil, stop!” Lina gripped his arm.

  “The moment you let him into our personal relationship, his interactions with our children ceased.”

  “We can’t just rip Katie away from him. We’re going to transition to the new doctor, but she still needs to—”

  “No,” he interrupted. “It’s done. Either you cancel Friday’s appointment or I will, but it’s going to be canceled.”

  “Think about Katie.”

  “I’m thinking about this family,” he bit out. “And he isn’t good for this family.”

  Logan was standing in front of the open refrigerator when Lina came in from gardening the following morning. “You look like you’ve grown an inch.”

  “You always say that when I go away for a couple days.” He pulled out a carton of milk.

  “That’s because it’s true. Where did you put your bag? I’m about to do some laundry.”

  “Emily washed all my stuff yesterday morning. She said she doesn’t like to unpack dirty clothes.” He dropped down at the kitchen table and poured some milk over his cereal.

  “Emily?”

  “Brian’s dad’s girlfriend.”

  “That’s impressive. What was she like? Is she pretty?” Lina tried to keep her voice nonchalant.

  “She’s cool, and she was totally hot. Like a model or something.”

  “How old was she?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well his dad is my age. Was she my age?”

  “No, she’s young. Not like young, young, but not old like you.” As soon as the words left his mouth it was obvious he regretted them. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not old, but—”

  “It’s fine.” Lina turned away from him to fill her coffee cup. “I am old.” She was surprised by her level of disappointment at the image of Nick with a hot, young girlfriend.

  “Brian thinks she’s hot too, and she could end up being his stepmom. That would be weird.”

  “I doubt she’ll be his stepmom.”

  “She could be,” Logan insisted. “Brian thinks she might move in with his dad. That’s the first step, right?”

  Lina felt a swell of jealousy at his words. “No, it’s not the first step,” she snapped. “If someone wants to truly commit, they get married. Your father and I would be very disappointed if you lived with someone before you got married.”

  “What did I do? Why are you mad at me?”

  “I’m not,” Lina said as she turned back around. “I’m just a little old-fashioned, I guess. I don’t want you to think it’s okay to live with someone you’re not married to, and Dad wouldn’t either.”

  Laughter floated up from the pool hours later as Lina walked out on the deck. Phil, along with Logan, Megan and a couple of the neighborhood kids, were playing their own version of water polo. Logan’s body was wrapped around Phil from behind as he tried to get a ball away from him, and Phil was laughing as he struggled to get out of his grasp. She remembered when Logan was much younger and Phil only pretended to struggle because he wasn’t big enough to prevent him from effortlessly making it across the pool with him on his back. Her thoughts unexpectedly shifted to Kim, and she found herself wondering if she would have a boy or a girl. There was going to be a child with no relation to her that would call Phil Daddy. What would the child call her?

  “Dad, stop!” Megan’s laughter brought Lina’s mind to the present, and she watched as Phil effortlessly tossed her in the air. She came up from beneath t
he water sputtering and then she launched herself at him, and, with the help of all the kids, managed to pull his legs from beneath him and give him a sound dunking.

  Phil was breathing deeply when he dropped down onto the chair beside Lina’s twenty minutes later. “Did you see them trying to drown me? Five against one.” He pushed his wet hair back from his forehead, taking a deep breath. “That was a workout.” He reached for Lina’s wine glass. “I can’t stand this humidity. We’re definitely not retiring to Florida.”

  She felt a stab of annoyance as she watched him take a swallow from her glass. He was happy. She was sitting here feeling miserable, and he was acting as if everything were normal. And then she had another thought. They wouldn’t be free from children in eight years when Logan graduated from college. Their plan to take off for three months each year to travel the world while they were still relatively young and fit was gone. Phil was going to be the father of an eight-year-old when Logan graduated from college, and regardless of what he said or thought now, she knew he would never abandon one of his children.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Fine,” she said, her chair scraping against the deck as she pushed it back from the table. “Just thinking about what you said.”

  21

  Lina’s heart leapt when she saw a text from Nick on her phone the following morning, assuming he might finish whatever he started to say on his patio. But when she opened it, the text was about Katie.

  I apologize for the short notice—can your husband and Katie be at my Hopkins office tonight at 5 p.m.? I have a colleague I believe will be a perfect fit, and tonight is the only time that works for both of us in the next month. I need a reply by 3 p.m. or I’ll assume this doesn’t work. Thanks, Nick.

  Part of her wanted to take Katie and let Phil find out after the fact, but she’d already done that once this week, and she didn’t want to create more conflict. Katie was going. That much she knew, and if Phil wouldn’t take her, she would, but she was going to give him the choice. She called Phil’s office.

  Fifteen minutes later, she ended the call with Phil. He had given her instructions to drop Katie at his office at 4:30 p.m. He wasn’t happy, and even raised his voice more than once during the interchange because he didn’t want to take Katie anywhere near Nick Drayton. But he wanted Lina to be anywhere near him even less, so when he realized she wasn’t going to back down and that Katie was going regardless of what he said, he begrudgingly agreed to take her.

  It occurred to Lina that she should let Nick know that Phil found out he knew about the affair, so she included the information in her text.

  Thank you for making this work. Phil and Katie will be at the appointment at 5. I slipped up on Monday night and now he knows that you know about his affair. He was angry. I thought I should tell you. I’m so sorry for dragging you into this. You’ve only been wonderful to us. Lina.

  His reply came an hour later. No worries, Lina. I’m happy to hear they can make it.

  “When is it going to start mattering what I want?” Katie asked. She was standing just inside her father’s office, waiting for him to finish an email so he could take her to her appointment with the new psychiatrist. It had been an all-around shitty day. First, she’d run into Matt at Emma’s, and he’d treated her like a kid sister instead of a potential girlfriend, lecturing her about overdrinking and making out with guys she didn’t know at parties, and then her mom told her she had to change psychiatrists.

  “What you want matters,” her father said absently, continuing to tap away on his keyboard.

  “No, it doesn’t. You’re going to make me go whether I want to or not.” She put her hands on her hips. “What you and Mom want is all that matters. It’s all that ever matters.” She’d been furious with her mom the entire drive into Baltimore, and now she was furious with him.

  “We want what’s best for you.”

  “That’s not true!” He was the most annoying person alive. “You only want what’s best for you! I’m not a little kid. I’m sixteen! What gives you the right to decide what’s best for me?”

  He lifted his eyes from his computer display. “Lower your voice. This is an office, and people are working. I’m your father. That’s what gives me the right. Now get yourself a drink or something. I’ll only be a few minutes. We can discuss this in the car.” His attention returned to his computer.

  “Being my father is just biology. I have my own brain. You don’t even know me.”

  “Well, if that’s how you feel, we’ll have to start spending more time together, because for some reason God decided I should be your father, so you’re stuck with me.”

  “I’m not spending a second more with you than I have to,” she fumed before stomping across the office to the large window overlooking Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. The sound of his fingers tapping lightly on his keyboard grated her nerves. She could barely think, she was so frustrated, but he had no problem continuing to write his stupid email. “And I don’t even believe in God.” The office was suddenly quiet, and she could feel his eyes, but she continued to stare out the window.

  “What did you just say?” His voice was low, and she knew he was unhappy, but it was the truth, and she had a right to believe whatever she wanted.

  “I’m an atheist.”

  “Since when?”

  “Since I realized I could actually think for myself.”

  “Is Matt an atheist?”

  “No.” She’d gone too far. She needed to change the subject. “I’m not going to talk to anyone besides Dr. Drayton. You can make me meet with the new doctor, but you can’t make me talk.”

  “I need to finish this email. We’ll continue this discussion in the car.”

  Katie opened a small refrigerator and reached for a soda but changed her mind and took water instead when she remembered her grandma telling her the previous week how bad sodas were for you. She sipped from the water bottle as she wandered around his office, stopping before his bookshelves and looking at a framed picture of Megan. Figured he’d have a picture of his precious Megan. She meandered to his desk and, as she stopped behind him, noticed a candid picture of herself when she was three or four. She didn’t recall seeing it before. She was in his lap, leaned back against him, with her cheek resting on his chest, and he was kissing the top of her forehead. She felt her throat constrict and turned away.

  “While you’re on medication you have to be under the care of a doctor,” Dr. Drayton said. “When you’re med free, you can take this up with Dr. Jones. Don’t discount him before you’ve met him. He’s a good friend of mine. I think you’re going to like him.”

  “Whatever.” Katie looked past him to the window.

  “I’m as disappointed as you we can’t continue our sessions, Katie, but it’s out of both our hands. Our energy should be reserved for those circumstances in our lives where we have control. This isn’t one of them.”

  “You sound like my grandma.”

  “Wise lady.” He winked at her and then, at the sound of a knock on his office door, came to his feet. “There’s Dr. Jones.”

  “Well?” Dr. Drayton asked after Dr. Jones left the office.

  Dr. Jones was cooler than Katie had expected, but he wasn’t Dr. Drayton, and it hit her then that she might never seem him again. “Why can’t my parents be like you?” She stared down at her hands as a knot formed in her throat. Besides her grandma, he was the only adult who got her, and now she couldn’t talk to him anymore.

  “As hard as it may be for you to believe, your mom and dad both love you very much. Being a parent isn’t always easy. None of us is perfect. There are times my son wishes he could exchange me for a different father.”

  He was lying. His son never wanted to exchange him. He was just saying it to make her feel better. She continued to stare at her hands.

  “I’m going to miss you too. Who is going to educate me on the hippest new bands?” He slowly came to his feet. “Come on. I have something for you.�
��

  Katie wiped a stray tear from beneath her eye before following him to his desk and taking the book he held out. “My favorite poet,” he told her. “I discovered him when I was about your age. I think you’ll like him.”

  The Essentials of Rumi, she read, and then she was opening the front cover and reading Dr. Drayton’s inscription:

  “To Katie (My favorite 16-year-old)—I hope this book will come to mean as much to you as it has to me. All my best, Nick Drayton”

  Katie didn’t want to cry, but as with every other area of her life, she apparently had no say in the matter, because the tears came anyway. She covered her eyes with her free hand and then she lost it. Hiccupping sobs gripped her entire body.

  “You’re going to be fine,” Dr. Drayton said as he slipped his arms around her. She gripped his shirt as she cried against his chest. This was what it felt like to lose someone. It would be no different than if he’d died. She was never going to see him again. She cried harder. He ran his hand over the back of her head. “You’re going to be fine,” he said the words over and over.

  Katie felt embarrassed when she was finally able to step away from him, and then, without a word, she opened his office door and stepped out into the waiting room. Her father looked up from his cell phone, and she saw his eyes narrow in concern.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “Can we go?”

  “Are you okay?” He touched her arm, looking down into her face.

  “Yes. God.” She stepped away from him. “I just want to go home.”

  “I need to have a word with Dr. Drayton first. I’ll just be a minute.”

  22

  Lina picked up her cell phone with the intention of calling Phil to see if the appointment with Katie was over but was immediately distracted by a screen full of unread text messages. They were all from the same number, which she didn’t recognize.

  She sat down on the edge of her bed and opened the first text, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion as she realized they weren’t actual texts but pictures of a text conversation. She saw the name Phil Hunter on the top of the screen. They were conversations between Phil and whomever had sent her the messages. Her throat constricted at the realization it was a conversation between Phil and Kim. She read the first message, which was dated March eighteenth. Phil’s text appeared gray, and Kim’s followed in blue: